michael bublé works miracles

Despite being horribly upset and sick last night, today was surprisingly nice. Sure, the weather was a lil dreary and I wasn't as productive as I would have liked, but it wasn't as horrible as I thought. I did get quite upset at a friend, but how else was I supposed to react? You can't tell someone that they're pretty much pushing people away by caring and not expect that person to be upset, honestly. I decided that to vent in a healthy manner I'd throw around the softball with Rebecca, something I haven't done in a few years and missed ever so dearly. There's nothing like throwing a ball as hard as you can at someone, it's very soothing.

I also realized something (what a shocker). Even though I was so upset about everything last night, I can't stay mad. I'm still upset about how exactly everything was handled, by both of us, but I honestly can't stay mad. I haven't figured out if it's because I'm one of those hopeless girls who can't stay mad at him or if it's because I've accepted that this is how it is and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm hoping it's the latter, but I don't know if I'll ever figure that one out. Now the only thing I really have to try to figure out is what I'm going to do with my life. I think I have it all figured out, but then something else pops into my head. I know that I don't want to go to medical school anymore, but I don't know if I want to go through everything for pharmacy or for dental hygiene. I basically have to decide this next week because darn registration is so early for me.

I also miss home. Here in Boise I feel like everything moves so much faster, but when I'm back home everything moves really slow and I feel like I have more time to do things. It almost makes me want to take a break from school to just relax, work, save some money, and figure out what I want to do. I know I won't start school again if I do that though, which is rather disappointing. The first chance I get, though, I'm going right back to Europe. Until then I'll just have fun here in Boise. What else am I going to do?

shouldn't have eaten all that ice cream :/

If there's one thing that I've learned, it's that your gut is right about 99% of the time. It doesn't really matter about what; always trust your gut. Why am I telling you this? Well, because, once again, I failed to listen to my gut and low and behold I've been thrust into the endless pit of misery and woe. You're probably thinking that I'm overly emotional and dramatic, and sure I am dramatic and of course I'm emotional I'm a girl, but maybe my story will help you realize that I'm not overreacting.

Let's say you meet a guy and he seems pretty cool and you get to know him and he's pretty much amazing (or so you thought at the time) and you start hanging out more. Then he tells you he really likes you and you really like him and everything seems fine and dandy until he tells you he doesn't want a relationship. Sure he's leaving, but if you really like someone you'll make the long distance thing work and you'll see him when he gets back in a few months and you can still talk and what not. Then he stops talking to you all together. When he sees you again (at the same public function you first met at) he tells you he still wants to hang out, then drives away and doesn't talk to you for a few more days. When you finally get the feeling you should call him and ask what's going on and what you should be thinking he simply tells you that he's not avoiding you, but can't really explain anything at all. Then you're left feeling like an idiot for even thinking things would work out and not listening to your gut when you felt that something was wrong or not to even let yourself get even the tiniest bit close to that guy. And you fight back the tears; tears of anger and feeling stupid. You feel used and it becomes another story to add to the list of you just being another girl to a guy; a girl that was lied to and used to fill a small space of time of boredom and transition.

Do you still think I'm overreacting?

I avoided anything involving letting myself think there was a chance with anyone so that I wouldn't get hurt like this again and what do I do? I let myself think that there may have been a chance that, for once, things would actually work out. And now I'm sitting here unable to smile, unable to even comprehend my stupidity. I should have listened to my gut in the first place; then everything would be ok and i would be smiling again.