I always heard people talking about "finding themselves," but I thought it was just some person saying something because they didn't really have any other reason for taking some break or cutting themselves off from the world. I've recently discovered that people really do "find themselves." It's all about figuring out what you like to do, becoming comfortable with yourself, and learning to admire everything around you.
I've found that one of the best ways to do that is to try to find something positive in everything including the most tedious and boring jobs. It's hard, but it's only then that you begin to appreciate what's around you and what you have. After you begin to do that, then you start looking at yourself differently. You begin to see things that other people saw that you thought they were just saying, but you also begin to see your flaws. That's the killer part. But, on the bright side, that gives you a chance to change those flaws and become the person you really wanna be. I feel like this only happened because I felt so dead inside; I felt as though I wasn't truly living my life, that I was just going through the motions. I was tired of feeling that way and decided that I needed to do something about it. Unfortunately, I didn't know what that was, so it continued. Then one night as I was thinking, like I usually am, I decided I didn't like "Me." "Me" had to change, so I did. I look at life differently and I can honestly say I'm much happier.
In this pursuit of happiness I realized that I have amazing friends. I told one of my friends that I was planning on moving to a different school/state and she was super supportive. I can talk to my friends about absolutely anything, and nothing is better than that. I'm so happy that I have these friends. I don't know what I would do or what I'd become if I didn't.
I wanna feel a car crash
I wanna feel a capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel a car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright.
~Matt Nathanson
"Car Crash"
